To Better Understand the Male Animal
Because I am a man, when I lock my keys in the car, I will fiddle with a wire clothes hanger and ignore your suggestions that we call a road service until long after hypothermia has set in and I have damaged the vehicle.
Because I am a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to start."
Because I am a man, when I catch a cold I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You never get as sick as I do, so for you this isn't an issue.
Because I am a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like "Cumin" or "lady fingers." For all I know these could be the same thing. And never, under any circumstances, expect me to pick up anything for which "feminine hygiene product" is a euphemism.
Because I am a man, when one of our appliances stops working I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.
Because I am a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for it [though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator].
Because I am a man, I don't think we're all that lost, and no, I don't think we should stop and ask someone. Why would you listen to a complete stranger? I mean, how in the world could he know where we're going?
Because I am a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about, especially while driving quietly. The answer is always either sex or football, though I have to make up something else when you ask, so don't.
Because I am a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't.
Because I am a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine.
Because I am a man, and this is, after all, the 90's, I will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the gardening, the cleaning, and the dishes. I'll do all the rest.
*** This has been a Public Service message for women, to better understand the male animal.
Received as an email from Vicki P. of Roscoe....
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